I am not happy.
I cried last night. And as far as I remember, this is the second incident I cried about ever since I lost my dad. One was a small matter, I was just being a baby. This time, because my ego was bruised. Very much bruised.
Yes, he has gone up the corporate ladder. His new income is a whooping sum of money for his age. Yes, I am still with the same designation, I don't have a team working under me, my salary was just inching up, BUT that doesn't mean I am less of a person !
Why in front of everybody, you made this statement, "Eh, he is climbing up the corporate ladder, what about you huh?"
I know you care, you are just untactful. You were a retired senior general manager, you have been there.
But, hey, I have feelings...
Why then you ( another person) call me up and inform me his new income figure and then imply that I should not be happy with what I am earning now. Yes, I know I should aim for more. But, I have my own priorities at this moment. Why make it sound that I am some poor underpaid country mice ?
Why make it sound like I am inferior?
Again, I know you really care and want me to have a better life . You are a CTO and senior vice president, you are at the top.
But hey, I have self-respect...
Yes, I know I should disregard them. I should not compare. But, I am only human, and definitely no saint.
I know the main reason that I am so upset is the fact I AM not really proud with how my career is going. I do have my plans but now I just have my own priorities.
Yes, I know I shouldn't let those remarks get into me. But, I am a LEO. I am EGOISTIC. It doesn't not feel good being put down by others.
He is doing better in his career. I am glad for him(half-heartedly actually- I would truly be happy for him if he was a nicer person). But, he proved himself. He made it. I have to give him credit for that. But, don't compare me to him, ok?
I know I have to move on, I should do something to improve my life. But, I will do it because I WANT to. Not because someone else DID it. I'll do it for ME... MYSELF.
I hate this feeling. I just damn bladdy hate it.
Ok.. give me a morning. I will be ok after this. Then I will channel my energy to something positive yeah !!
HFFFFFFFFFTTTTTTTTTTT.. **breathing in a BIG breathe.