River of Life ~Sming's

Me and just me.

Friday, June 30, 2006
Increment like SHIT !!!!!!!!
Shit! Shit.. SHIT !
Aii.. To top my ultimate sien-ness, my increment is so negligible... Like Sue said.. DUST increment. Blow abit disappear d.
Super damn sien.
Who wanna hire ? Ah Sam la, Nai Ma la, tukang urut la, Xiu ee la.. also I sapu d !!
Who wanna open chicken rice stall with me ? But I think do Yong Tau Foo easier.
So sia sui. Besar-nya company ini but like that...
posted by sming @ 10:58 AM   9 comments
Thursday, June 29, 2006
Why must we all compare?
I am not happy.
I cried last night. And as far as I remember, this is the second incident I cried about ever since I lost my dad. One was a small matter, I was just being a baby. This time, because my ego was bruised. Very much bruised.
Yes, he has gone up the corporate ladder. His new income is a whooping sum of money for his age. Yes, I am still with the same designation, I don't have a team working under me, my salary was just inching up, BUT that doesn't mean I am less of a person !
Why in front of everybody, you made this statement, "Eh, he is climbing up the corporate ladder, what about you huh?"
I know you care, you are just untactful. You were a retired senior general manager, you have been there.
But, hey, I have feelings...
Why then you ( another person) call me up and inform me his new income figure and then imply that I should not be happy with what I am earning now. Yes, I know I should aim for more. But, I have my own priorities at this moment. Why make it sound that I am some poor underpaid country mice ?
Why make it sound like I am inferior?
Again, I know you really care and want me to have a better life . You are a CTO and senior vice president, you are at the top.
But hey, I have self-respect...
Yes, I know I should disregard them. I should not compare. But, I am only human, and definitely no saint.
I know the main reason that I am so upset is the fact I AM not really proud with how my career is going. I do have my plans but now I just have my own priorities.
Yes, I know I shouldn't let those remarks get into me. But, I am a LEO. I am EGOISTIC. It doesn't not feel good being put down by others.
He is doing better in his career. I am glad for him(half-heartedly actually- I would truly be happy for him if he was a nicer person). But, he proved himself. He made it. I have to give him credit for that. But, don't compare me to him, ok?
I know I have to move on, I should do something to improve my life. But, I will do it because I WANT to. Not because someone else DID it. I'll do it for ME... MYSELF.
I hate this feeling. I just damn bladdy hate it.
Ok.. give me a morning. I will be ok after this. Then I will channel my energy to something positive yeah !!
HFFFFFFFFFTTTTTTTTTTT.. **breathing in a BIG breathe.
posted by sming @ 8:58 AM   5 comments
Tuesday, June 27, 2006
Flirting with HK leng chai
Hehe.. Yeah. **Miang look
There is this really cute guy I saw at the customs when I was returning from Macau to Hong Kong.
Man!! He had a really tanned skin. Hmm.. I like. I hate fair guys. Pak cham kai ( steam chicken) like that. Sissy!!
He looks like this guy, Louis Koo. With a crew cut. Same nice tan... OOOOHHH
I was actually queueing at the line next to his. I was already staring at him d.. Wash eyes wash eyes.. Then this really pak cham kai, a real sissy, started a fight with the custom officer in the line that I am in. I think the officer took abit long to process. And the sissy guy thinks custom officer was like trying to discriminate him. **Roll eyes.
So, my aunty went to this leng chai's line.. oohhh.. I lagi happy lar. I fast fast went over lor. See.. we really got fate ler!!! But end up this leng chai's line took longer. Never mind. I get to look into his beautiful eyes..
This was our 'flirting' process.
Him: *Look at me
Me: *Blush.. and hand over my passport
Him: *Flip through my passport
Me: *Stare and drooling
Him: *Glance up and reconfirm with my picture
Me: *Blink blink and smile coyly
Him: *Chop on my passport...
Me: *Chin down and look up ...so that my face looks slimmer
Him: *Pass back the passport with me.
Me: Thank you...... ** with voice sweet like syrup
Itu la. Habis la. Finish d the flirting process..
Potong stim leh.. You think really got flirt meh ???
posted by sming @ 3:09 PM   2 comments
Monday, June 26, 2006
5 questions interview
The 5 questions interview game from 5xmom. Hehe.. I sendiri buttocks itchy want the interview one.. so here I go.
1) Name one occassion when you laughed till you get side splitting tummy ache.
Hehe. Seriously, I cannot remember. There are a flash of funny incidents/ jokes but very vague memories about them. So I guess that shows either I had not have a really good laugh lately or I have too many things to laugh at till none of it is special or significant. Hmm...
2) I think the World Cup is over-rated. Do you agree?
Yeah ! Super agree ! It IS over-rated. After all it is just a game. But this cup is causing me deprivation of Wah Lai Toi and sleep. Imagine bolting up in the night because the whole building is shaking with shrieks of GOAAAAL or moans like OOHHHH... I thought I got heart attack man !
3) You seems to be very philosophical. Like 'River of Life' Wuah, are you like that in person?
Philosophical ? I don't know ler. See, I know sure this 'interview' will lead me to some soul searching. I never see myself as philosophical. None of my friends said I am before. So I still duno. But for sure, I am a very sensual person.
hahahaha ! I just love to see people puking !
4) What's your favourite place on earth.
My bed. Actually my future bed. My condo is ready and I have ordered a bed long ago. It is DUNLOP PILLOW brand ( ahem high class leh) with cushions as the head rest or whatever you call it... Sure nice to laze on, guling here guling there like Bollywood movies.. Then read books or magazine before sleeping. Or watch TV ... Then can immediately go to sleep if watch or read till tired... Aaaaa.... lazy pig thinking of sleep only now...
5) You mentioned mid-life crisis. LOL. I thought you are my age. Ceh, like that how do you label me? Antique?
Very old but at least very valuable.
Just kidding lar.
I wanted to put mid-twenties but I am way over mid-twenties. Late-twenties I don't like. So I just exagerate lor.
Actually, I am trying very hard to adapt to the philosophy (hmm.. may be I AM philosophical) that age is just a number. Hehe.. Must be young at heart at whatever age.. v(^.^)v
Ok.. to keep the game flowing. Whoever also buttocks itchy, can drop a comment and I will also ask you the 5 questions. :P
posted by sming @ 5:27 PM   1 comments
Wednesday, June 21, 2006
20060616- 23 Hong Kong
Yes !! ***Fist pumping !!
Finally, my river had flowed through Hong Kong!! It has been my unfulfilled desire since 2003 (or was it 2002?). Aii.. SARS that time lar. Already booked my trip then gotta cancel one lar.
Anyway, yay !! That's me in Hong Kong.. :Þ Check out the banner. It is soooo ME.. In case you can't read. It says
I am serious. I am fun. I am many things. I am ME.
ps. Wanna know why it is call MOTOMING instead of MOTOROLA there ? hehhe.. Coz the owner will Mou tak lou la. hahahahaaha !!
This is the first trip that I actually flew so far on my own. You know... go KLIA alone, board plane alone, go through customs alone..go hotel alone... yeah, no big deal. But, just a note. Also, almost 50% of the time, I was travelling alone. This is not the first time I do that in a new city (ie. Hadyai, ShangHai, Tokyo) but my 'alone' trips were at most half day. This time about 4 whole days I am all alone. And, I kinda enjoy travelling alone..
You know, I can go and leave whenever I like; I can eat watever and whenever I want; I can hunt for souveniers for how long as I can; if I make a mistake like catching the wrong bus, I don't need to feel bad.. etc. etc. Hehehe. The only hassle is when I want to be inside the photos.So far, people are quite obliging; just that their skills and frame- capturing may not be what I want. I tried setting up my tripod; press the shuttle, run into position, wait.. and when the red light start blinking.. SMILE !! It works but it does look silly. Once an ang mo lau yee actually laugh at me.. Teeaiyou lar !! Never offer to help somemore laugh. Cheh !
Anyway, let me start on my trip.
My Mini Adventures
  • I almost got deported to Chennai!! hahaha... See the photo. It is gate 32, seat 33E. But I went to gate 33 and did not even notice why got so many ah nei nei. Ai yo, luckily the ah nei on duty seng muk, else habis la aku. So pai seh hoh.. no more morning flights for me.
  • Another one was when I was at Ocean Park. Got on the ferris wheel. One round, wahh.. view very nice. Second round, take photos of myself- big head photos. Third round, got announcement that there is a technical problem !!! >_< Aiyo.. First thing come to my mind is the scene from Final Destination 2.. or whatever show. Like the gondala will spin super fast like the Roadrunners leg and then the gondolas all fily all over...Luckily I was not at the top. Later fall down.. sei mou chun xi lor.. Somemore I was ALL ALONE in the gondola. Luckily, your friend here manage to keep calm and continue to take photos. But they were quite efficient, I was 'released' in about 10 mins. Whew !!
  • The turbo drop at Ocean park. Scary boh ? I went for it twice !! And it was not as scary as I thought it would be. Hmm... guess I need more to satisfy my hunger for thrills d!!

My Movie Star Encounter

Tadaa !! This is whom I met.

No lar. Pian ni de lar. Bluff you one lar.This is a wax figure outside Madam Tussauds Wax Museum at Victoria Peak. The real movie star I met was also there.. It is no other than PAK LEUNG KAM !!!

LOL. Of all movie stars hoh... I think I read too much of Wingz blog d. Until go HK also see him.. But he is very nice. He stopped and take photographs with everyone. If I were with friends, I would take photo with him too.. Aii.. Anyway, his son/ daughter(I don't know - face very pretty and too young to check for breasts or adam's apple) luckily not like him. Very sweet looking too.. Must be the wife very beautiful or adopted one ( so bad hoh me)... Anyway, see, they two wear identical outfit. Buoy tahan !!

Ohh.. I paid my last respects for Anita Mui in Lantau Island( the big buddha there). Not really an encounter, else I sure pengsan. But, it is sad. Aii.. :(

View of Hong Kong through my River


You either love them or hate them. They can be really helpful and nice; and some of them are plain rude. Very impatient people and their pace are really fast. And they are everywhere !!!! It is normal that they bump into you on the streets. Don't bother to wait for a sorry.


Shopping heaven ! They have lots of brands that are unheard of in Malaysia. Paul & Shark, Brook Brothers, Harvey something, Alberta blibleh, and much much much more lar. I cannot remember. All super expensive. People line up to go in Gucci to shop. Man!! Luis Vuitton, Fendi, D&G is EVERYWHERE !! Really, if you have the money, go there and shop man !I can only do window shopping. But, since my aunty wanted up market stuff, so I just go and open my eyes la..

Standard of Living

SUPER HIGH!! Man. Imagine a RM 1K blouse hanging on the rack in a departmental store like how we hang up SEED clothing ? And there is even one mobile phone or PDA phone that was going for RM20K!! Man !!! How can these people be so rich ? Smuggle drugs ah ?

My friend in Hong Kong enlightened me. A fresh grad in engineering roughly earns 2.5K ( in Penang lar) a month. In HK, they get RM 5K as fresh grad. Fuuu yoh !! That is why Luis Vuitton can be anywhere in Hong Kong. They have the demand..

But, not all are rich. The contrast is there. The poorer part of Hong Kong is quite bad too. Not very pretty. Pigeon holes and stuff.. Oh well..

Space Management

Other than efficient, I can't think of any other words. Buildings are built so near to each other, I think neighbours can just pass soya sauce from window Block A to window Block B. And so many high rise buildings. It is just like an Amazon of concrete jungle!! In restaurants, all the seats are so near to each other and you are expected to sit with strangers anytime. Ie. my friend and I was sitting on a table which is a four seater. The waitress will just direct the other couple to sit on the same table with us. No question asked. No complaints heeded.


Transportation in Hong Kong is really well developed. The buses, MTRs, tram, ferries are all frequent and on time. And basically, the whole area is all connected. No problem! Few people drive and there are no motorcycles... And all MTRs station are connected, within walking distance and there is no need of exiting the stations. Just remind me of how inconvenient it is to interchange in Malaysia. :(

And the bus drivers, taxi drivers do not rush through red light. That is one thing I notice. They follow the traffic rules and does allow pedestrians to cross first even though the light had changed to green for them..

The Octopus Card

And what I love best is their Octopus card. It is a value store card and can be used for all transportation means. Isn't it cool ? The best is it can be used in supermarkets, boutiques, McD and best is it can be used to buy movie tickets ( they have a kiosk for it!!) Why can't we have it here in Malaysia ? Instead of one KL Monorail system, one Star LRT one, Putra LRT, oneTouch n Go, one Fastrak, one SmartTag bla bla.. We can always name it Kad Sotong.. or Kad Lapan Tangan !! What is Octopus in Malay ??


This is one thing I really like about Hong Kong. With a person of small bladder, I am always looking out for WCs. The WCs are all very clean. Doesn't matter if you are in a hotel, shopping mall, normal restuarant,expensive restaurant, MTR station or tourist spots, they are all CLEAN !!! And you don't need to pay to use the WCs !! Only thing I noticed that is really funny and weird...Was at the Citibank building, each wc cubicle is actually confined for patrons of certain restaurants. Imagine in Midvalley washrooms, this cubicle is for McD patrons only, this one for Sushi King that one Pizza Hut.. the same goes for the wash basins.. Huh?!! I also cannot comprehend. Do people really care ???


I spent a day in Macau. Hmm.. Remember to bring your passport over if you cross over from Hong Kong. Almost forgot.. hehehe. Anyway, Macau is a busy busy little town. Sight seeing is limited. I only found the Ruins of St Paul interesting. Actually that is the only reason I went there. I don't gamble. So the casinos had no effect on me. The other thing is they have plenty of bakery. Dried meat, almond cookes, egg rolls, portugese egg tart (YUMMY!!)....

And the people there are much much much better than the Hong Kees. They are helpful and friendly. As compared to Malaysians, they respect pedestrian crossings!!

Not much cars in Macau, other than buses, many of them travel around with scooters.

Anyway, as a end note. HongKong is very CITY. But, I definitely go back for the shopping and FOOD !! Mmmmm...

Feedback appreciated....

Just wanna check out, please do a kind deed to let me know which type of travel updates you all prefer.

A day to day journal like my Mount KK trip


A so called suggesting guide for Paris

Or highlights like this entry?

posted by sming @ 11:05 PM   6 comments
I am blogging from Hong Kong !!
COOL boh ?
Hehehe.. Am alone in the hotel room. My mom and aunty still not back from their Chinese opera show. Today, I have a slow and easy day. So not too tired.
A little breakthrough for me. Never dared to be in a hotel room all by myself. Scared of the dirty stuff lor.. :P But, this round surprisely, for 5 nights, (till now lar) I am perfectly at ease. May be because someone's living room is just like an arm-stretch away. Yah !! That is how congested Hong Kong is. It should be called Hong Kongested instead....
Anyway, will come back with a post on the trip itself.
posted by sming @ 10:55 PM   2 comments
Thursday, June 15, 2006
For My Papa
June 2005

Years ago, when I was grumbling about studies, the burden of homework and school projects, I remember once you told me that when I grow up, I would have more headache; responsibilities, bosses to please, bills, loans hungry mouths to feed. Today, I am grown up and working. But I feel that the hardest thing of growing up is none of the above, but to cope with the loss of a loved one. Everything has a solution, but there is nothing I can do when I can no longer see, touch or hear a person I love so much.

This would be the second Father’s Day that we would not be celebrating. I used to shop for small presents for you. But, ever since I left home and started working, it would just be a phone call home. I was always thinking that when I have more money I would buy you a big, expensive present. Why didn’t anyone tell me that we should never procrastinate in showing love? Today, I can only envy those who have a dad to shop for.

Our relationship was like a slow running stream. Quiet, simple yet giving. You may not be like the role model fathers I read about, but I would never ever exchange any other father for you. Never.

You had given me everything that I need. I never had to worry about food, shelter, clothing, education or money. Whatever I ask or never asked for, you would provide. Even though I have the means for it, you would still provide. Unconditionally.

You may speak few words to me or you never reach out to hug us. But I never doubt your love for us. But, papa, do you know how much I love you? Our occasional brief hugs were ways to say I love you, but I never verbally did. And it is too late now. Holding your lifeless hand in the room that day, I kept repeating I love you. Could you hear me? Were you still around as some said you would be? It may be irrational, but that was plain desperation. I am sorry that I never express my love to you openly, I am sorry that I never did take care of you and I never could.

When your friends came to pay their last respects, I looked at them, wondering how they fit in your life, some of them I have never met before. But, they were in your life. I hang on to their stories about you; now you are gone, I needed something, anything, to feel you would be still around. But papa, I never knew that you had touched so many people’s life; nor did I know so many people loved and respected you so much. I am so proud of you, and to be your daughter.

A year and half has passed. I am still trying to accept the fact that you would not be around to help me with ideas to furnish my condo; be there to give me away on my wedding day; and my children will never see their maternal grandfather. Friends tell me memories of you will live with me forever, and you would not want me to hurt so much. But, the pain still lingers. And I don’t know how to ease Mom’s loss because I myself can’t come to terms with it.

Wherever you are now papa, I pray that you are better there. We will be ok here. It is just a phase in life. I know. I do know.

Happy Father’s Day, papa. Thank you, papa, thank you for everything.
posted by sming @ 4:21 PM   3 comments
Wednesday, June 14, 2006
Dummies Guide to World Cup
Two nights without my Wah Lai Toi... Aii.. :(
Forced to watch the game. Japan vs Australia.. Korea vs. Togol... 22 guys chasing one ball and once they get the ball, they kicked it away...

Well, as the old saying says, If you can't beat them, join them !!

So, I watched the game. And sort of got really excited when the ball goes near the goal post. Hehe
Anyway, I have a few questions.

  1. What is off side ? Or is it Off Site ?? My bf, my brother, my uncle, my younger brother, my cousins have explained to me. But till now, I still tia boh lor (hear no road). May be you all have a better answer.. hehehe
  2. Is there maximum of times that a player or team can foul for off site before they get kicked out of the field ?
  3. Can the referee kick the ball or pas the ball if so happened some smart-ass player pass the ball to him ?
  4. Is there an area that the goal keeper is confined to ??
  5. Sometimes, I see the goal keeper kicks the ball real far into the field. Is there is any case in the football history that the goal keeper actually scored a goal this way ? You know, like this lorr......

GOAL !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

posted by sming @ 2:06 PM   8 comments
Tuesday, June 13, 2006
Basic Rules to come out POU
POU== WET== Clubbing...
I have been clubbing ever since I reached the legal age. I am not an avid clubber but I have been clubbing enough to understand the rules. The basic rules.
And I have never met someone who actually don't know the basic rules until last Friday.
(And, it's a guy!! :O)
Got me so damned pissed off that I almost lost my si-man-ness by almost using the 'f' word on him.
When we open a bottle, everyone shares the cost. Unless someone in the group striked lottery or a rich person says "It's ON me". Or a group of guys find that you are sooo hhhhottt, and say, "Babe, you don't need to pay. **drool..."
Else, PAY UP!
And you don't ask for a discount even you did not drink much or cannot drink much. Coz, we opened the bottle to avoid paying cover charge that comes with one drink only. And number of bottles are based on headcount. You contributed to that headcount, you contribute to the liquor money, ok ?!!!
And yes, you can drink as much as you can. Till you PUKE or fan kai ( sleep on the road) also can.
But, damn sia sui lor. And it just shows that you have bad charactor.
And after the pou session, you don't come back and comment that everyone drank alot and you did not drink your share so you should not be paying the same amount. ESPECIALLY, when your partner came along and pour and drank (not sip from your glass). And, we already close one eye..
If you want to be so calculative, DON'T go pou ok ? Or pay your own cover charge and drink your own drinks ONLY.
Most of all, please be appreciative in cases if there are people who go through the trouble to book the table/ place and organize. Don't create extra hassle, ok ?
Damn. Screw these people lar. They should be banned from clubs, pubs and discos !!!
posted by sming @ 2:28 PM   8 comments
Monday, June 12, 2006
When 56 meets 50..
I was over at my relative's house when I openly eavesdrop a conversation between a 56 yr old and a 50 yr old. In short, aunties lor.
Hehe.. It just sort of make me imagine life as a going-to-be senior citizen.
  • Maids - Maids with attitude. Problematic maids. Runaway maids. You all still want maids ?
  • Social updates a.k.a. social gossips- "This aunty bought a U-zap.. aiyo... no use want lar. Nothing beats hard work-do sit up !!!" Whose daughter gave birth d lar.. whose son like potato lar.. That friend found out the daugther is lesbian lar.. brought the girlfriend home lar ...blah blah bleh bleh... O-<-<
  • Jewellary- Diamonds to be exact. Who is wearing what lar? The 1 carat diamond kena stolen but luckily fake one lar. Who got cancer then recover d, pay a big sum to get one whole set of diamond lar. Like compensation from GOD...One filthy rich friend said, "I wear this set of diamondS (note the 's', it's plural !!), who dare to say it is fake?" Cakap besar-nya. But what makes me ponder more is what the 50 year old said: " I wear diamonds because of the beauty. It doesn't need to be so expensive. Why let the advertisements put the prize in our head? " Good point, but...
  • Fengshui- "That old man ah.. so many fish tanks in the house.. I told him too much water already, might be drowning the family!!" " Eh eh.. no need to move the house mat !! The house mat is purposely senget so that the main door is facing the best direction of our kua number." Err. okie. I am reading a Fengshui book now. To understand the whole thing.. hehehe
  • Children- Nah!! Not talking about diapers or milk powder. Gone were the days when the topic was universities. Aii... Childern's work lor. Then the boyfriends lor. The eldest daughter getting married .. the plans.. the second daughter gotta wait after the big sis lor.. blah blah...

Then the voices trailed off....Even though my eyes are on the TV, I can feel the attention turning towards my direction with bad vibration!!

Sei-lor !!

I faster jump up and went to the bathroom. Wash hand , comb hair.. wash face.. wash hand, comb hair.. After 15 mins, I went out again. Ahhh.. that two aunties now talking about family pets.

hehehe. okie lar, manage to escape Round 1. Whew !!!

posted by sming @ 10:47 AM   0 comments
Friday, June 09, 2006
I also kena World Cup Fever !!


Just that I thought that if I skipped all the newspaper articles, adverts, go to the bathroom when the World Cup commercials are on, I am safe !!!
But NO !! The virus seeped into my river through Zhou Gong (Grandpa Zhou ==cantonese word that is associated to sleep/ dreamland).

Aii… blur blur.. I can remember is that I was in a car. I think my bf’s one. Then I saw AlvintheSaw coming by with a Brazil logo paint on his face. Waaah.. damn nice leh!.. So Cooooooooool leh.. Then he show me his car sticker. Green green one with a dash of yellow… Also, Dominic also came with his car sticker.. So IN man !!

So I was thinking, wahh so nice. I also want to get one for my bf. So, AlvintheSaw, Dominic and also Sharon took me to go shopping. I can still remember clearly we walked pass some bazaar and then came to this lone stall at a parking lot.

So, this stall is manned by two young men who is soooo talented in computer graphics and the customers can choose any logo so that they will design and print on their merchandise.

So there.. I asked them what choices they have for car stickers. This young man with mop head attended to me.

Examples of MOP HEAD.(Photo- curi one also)

He asked me to list down the countries logo that I want. Ok.. luckily few nights before I had a crash course with my bf. So, I named…

  • Brazil ( Other than Bechkam, I know Ronaldo also OKIEE ???)
  • France (Coz they won the World Cup before)
  • Argentina (Coz they also won the World Cup before)
  • Italy (Did Italy won any World Cup before ? I dunno, I mentioned coz I wanna go Italy !!)

No. I didn’t name England. I only like David Bechkam for his body not his football skill. Yeah. It is plain lust.

Anyway, that mop head gave me a book. Yes, book, not catalogue. Which I flip flip also cannot find anything relevant. Some part is this blond girl and her biography. Huh ???
Then, I found some small samples.. So, I was asking AlvintheSaw his opinion, then, the mop head said.. “Miss, this one is umbrella’s logo design.”
DUH !!!!
Umbrella? Hmm.. guys are so macho, rain cats and dogs also won’t take umbrella. You make it a football merchandise ???!!
Hmm. Come to think about it. May be it is a good idea. With the increasing number of female fans. And may be printing the football stuff on umbrella will ‘macho-nized’ ( Yeah baby, new word invented. Check it out!) the whole idea of man carrying umbrella. Not bad! Not bad! Ok. I am patenting this idea! Hands off !!

Alright, back to my dream. Then I saw this Argentina’s logo design- silver background and navy blue. Eh, really got ah? I don’t know why I dream like that.
But I mid-life crisis, I want colours that are LOUD. Flamboyant. So, I said no.

Standing there for sometime, I also sien d. It is a miracle that Sharon was not breathing down my neck asking me to hurry up. You know her lar…. She never say anything. But, in my dream, I also feel tension. So I just chose the Brazil design.

But, it came out something like the Sony Ericsson design. So sien. So boring. Not so gaya as AlvintheSaw’s one. That mop head no quality control one !!

I also dreamt of Soo and Nzr. Cannot remember much just that I show off to them my car sticker. But my bf said ok only. Sien.

YA!! He said ok. Just like that!!! I wasted at least 30 mins of rest for my brain and he said ok. And it is just ok.. not like OK !

I hate football.
I detest World Cup.
I am going to Germany. At least they have World Cup free zone.

posted by sming @ 10:24 AM   3 comments
Tuesday, June 06, 2006
My Journey to Freedom- LASIK
Another of my karya zaman dahulu that I manage to dig out. hehe..

A freedom of sight
An experience to share
January 2002
For my parents,
Who gave me life,
and everything
made me
what I am today.
And now,
They gave me A new pair of eyes
The Decision
I had been a slave to aided vision since a young age of 9. I still remember that it started when the writing on the blackboard was no longer clear and characters on the television could be only recognized by their voices. Yet, I never suspect that I was losing my eyesight till my mother noticed that I was squinting while looking at the clock. Visits to the optician then were a torture as he always had bad news for me and was never patient with me.

8 years later, I started with contact lens. I was happy to get rid of my glasses. I wore my contacts for long hours and at times more than 12 hours a day. Due to vanity, I was seldom seen with my glasses.

Contact lens did not mean less troublesome. I had lost my contacts while cleaning them and even broke one of them. At times, when that piece of glass decides to runaway, I would be seen on my knees searching for it. Embarrassment and ego was pushed to the very back of my mind, all it matters was to find my lens, my second eyes.

Once, the strap of my handbag broke and hit right on my eye. The lens broke in my eye to 3 pieces. I managed to get 2 out of my eye but the tiniest one refused to budge. I was at Genting Highlands waiting for my second ride on the Odyssey. I need to go to the doctor to have it removed. Thank my lucky stars that my cornea was not badly injured.

That was not the end of the sad stories. My contact lens was giving me problems. Either one of my eye would get reddish and irritated once in awhile. It got worse when I started working. I blamed the dirty air in KL. But till a point, the problem was frequent. Worried was I, a visit to an eye specialist was vital.

Papilary Konjunctiva was the culprit. It is a reaction of some people after years of wearing contacts. It could be due to dirty lens, water or the container. People with allergies like me have a high tendency to get infected. I had to remove my lens and apply medicated eye drops frequently.

Could still remember the time I first appear in glasses at work, I was so self- conscious. Some people were tactful not to say a thing but some are just blunt enough to tell me. “Hey, you look ugly with glasses!”

Vanity rules my heart. I called home to complain and said I would like to have a new pair of glasses. It was then my mother told me to consider LASIK. It was then I started to surf the web for more information on this correction surgery.

Visits back to the specialist gave no better news. At the last visit, the doctor told me that I could try to wear my lens again after cleaning it thoroughly but she does not encourage me to go back to contact lens and should consider LASIK.

I sent my lens for recycle; soak them with heavy dose of protein tablets. I put them back on. Yet, the problem persisted. My right eye started to get irritated after 4 hours and get teary. After I remove them, my vision would be blurred and my eye would be aching for few hours. Sad was I. LASIK, Laser in Situ Keratomileusis, was my last resort.

I called up my cousin, Lian. She had undergone her LASIK treatment and filled me with details and information that I need. But, I still have doubts.

My decision was firm that day at the LRT station. The screw on my glasses loosened unexpectedly and my right piece of glass fell off. I was half blind. It was worse when the screw slipped to the floor. There was I, half blind desperately looking for the screw that was about 1.5mm in size. I knew I looked silly, but I was grateful that I was not driving then. At that moment I made my decision. I refused to depend on glasses and contact lens anymore.
The Check ups
Not every individual can be treated with LASIK. The thickness of cornea must be sufficient, pressure of the eyes must be normal and there should not be any dry eyes syndrome. Also, the power of the eyes must be stabilized.

I arranged for 2 check-ups at different centers. I wanted two opinions

On 5 January 2002 I went for my first checkup. There was a series of tests I need to go through. First, was to check the thickness of my cornea. I had to open my eyes real wide without blinking at a screen that looks like some optical illusion image with black swirling stripes. My cornea was thick enough.

Next, was to check the pressure of my eyes. I had to look straight at a light where a gust of air would be blown to my eyes. I jumped the first time as the air blew straight into my eye. I passed.

Then, they had to determine the power of my eyes. This is the part that is the most tedious. There was I, reading rows and rows of alphabets and deciding which is clearer, A or B?

My power had stabilized. Next was to check if I had dried eyes. The lady inserted a strip of litmus paper to the each side of my eyes. I was then asked to keep my eyes closed. For a minute or two, the paper was retrieved and was damped. Again, I passed.

Then there was a short discussion with the consultant on the risk and complications of the surgery. With my power of short-sightedness and astigmatism, it is a high possibility that I need to come back for enhancement. There could also be a risk of regression, where the power would return. To prevent this, the surgeon would then over correct my vision. That is why patients would be temporary long sighted after the surgery. With my high astigmatism, it would be almost 100% possibility that I would be seeing halos and glares at night permanently.

There could also be a risk during the surgery. After creating the flap, if surgeon finds the thickness of the flap is insufficient, the flap has to be replaced and the surgery could not be continued. This is rare and only happens if there is a sudden movement from the patient or technical fault on the machine.

The risks and complications did instill doubts. But I proceed to the second check up at the other laser center which in overall, much more affordable. It is also a well-established center where they started with PRK.

I was at the center at 10.00am on 11 January 2002.I filled up a form with my particulars. Then, they showed me a video clip of the surgery. That was the first time fear gripped me. How would it be looking right at the blade as it make the flap?

I did not have much time to think. Soon, I was ushered to the examination room. I went through all procedures as before. But there was just a little drama when the lady said my power is not stabilized. I was shocked, just a week ago I had my check up and my power has stabilized at where it was 2 years ago. I asked for a re-examination. My heart beating fast, I really want to go for the surgery. She examined me again and so did her colleague. I was right; my power had stabilized after all.

Other than the previous procedures, they gave me eye drops to dilate my pupils. As they waited for my pupils to dilate, they explained the procedure and also the risks and complications to me. Again.

After 2 –3 drops with a 5-minute interval each, my near vision blurred. My pupils were dilated. The lady took me to a room and examined the inner cornea. The cornea must be free of disease. My heart soared when she said, “Miss, you may consider LASIK. Your cornea is very healthy.”

I went to pay my bill for the checkup and also to book my schedule for the surgery, or referred as treatment in the center.

When the lady gave me the bill, I could not see the figure. I tried to put it at a distance but the printing was too small. I had to take off my glasses to read. Geez, did I feel old then!

I could not read and see anything near for that day. When I read, I had to place the material at a certain distance; much to the amusement of my housemates.

The effect stayed on the whole day. My vision recovered the next day.
Day before the DAY
That night I tossed and turned to wake up and kept thinking that the following morning was the day of the surgery. Only when I regain consciousness, I realized I still had a day to go.

I went to work as usual. But I was just thinking of the surgery most of the time. It was a mixture of feeling.

I was excited and anxious to be able to see things clearly with my naked eye. Yet, I was worried about the surgery. This is my first surgery in my 23 years of life and worse, I would be conscious of the whole process, looking at the blade and also the laser burning my eyes.

A lady from the center called to confirm my appointment. Again and again she reminded me to wear no makeup, perfume or hair sprays. Also to bring a sweater as it would be quite cold.

Friends at work filled me with all the side effects of Laser that I wish I did not know; cataracts, presbyopia or aging of eyes at an early age. I had read and surf the web, there were never such reports on that. I chose to believe that if these facts were true, there would always be new inventions and technology to cure me.

I asked all close friends to wish me luck and pray for me, just for the peace of mind. I received Hoon’s sms that night.

After work, I went to see my (then)bf. I poured out all my worries and excitement to him. I even reminded him to pray extra hard for me. It was that moment I realized everything was left to god to decide; though a bit too late.

Then I saw my credit card bill. As my credit limit was insufficient, I had written an advance check for the bank so that I can swipe my card the next day. The check was returned due to unauthorized alterations.

My heart sank. How am I going to pay the bill tomorrow? All checks that I had written gave no problems. Is this a bad omen from god? It disturbed me. But, as my mother taught me, think of solutions rather than dwell on the problem. I tried to think of all possible methods to make my payment.

My (then)bf offered me to use his credit card or charge card. But, hey, I am an honest person. I don’t do frauds. ;)

So I was left with a choice to pay partially with my card and the rest with a check or cash.

I went home to pack and to get ready for the day.
The Day – 25 January 2002
I did not sleep well that night. I woke up early, 6.50 am. Then, I just could not sleep. My mind was wandering, aimlessly.

This was the second night that I did not have sufficient sleep. It was written on the brochure that I should have sufficient sleep. Anyone who knows me well enough will know that if I do not have enough sleep or rest, I would spend the rest of day sneezing away.

Panic gripped me. What if I sneeze when the surgeon is trying to create the flap? Or during the laser procedure?

I went in and out of restless sleep till 11.00am. I woke up and got ready. I called ST. afraid that she would forget about my appointment at 2.00pm

ST came about 12.30pm. We went to have lunch. The chicken rice I ordered was tasteless, I was just swallowing everything. Marn called to wish me luck. I then went to the bank to withdraw cash for the payment as the center confirmed they do not accept personal checks.

We then left Sri Petaling to the laser center. We were early though we took the long way. Both of us was unsure of the other route

As I stepped in, the lady asked. “Sming?” I nodded and gave my appointment card. Payment was to be done first. I swiped my credit card and it went through, much to my relief. I paid the rest with cash.

I was then asked to take a seat. ST took some newspaper for me. But none of the news went into my mind. I sat there, my mind blank. ST tried her best to assure me that everything would be fine. I just smiled. But, fear lingered.

Then, the nurse in surgical outfit came approached me. My heart made a spin.

“Are you ready, Miss Sming? “

“Yes”, I croaked.

We then followed her into a room with me hanging on to ST for comfort. The nurse then handed me a change of clothes. I changed but I kept my sweater on. They did ask me to bring the sweater. The nurse smiled and said I need to take off my sweater too.

ST was then led to the video room where she will witness my surgery. She gave me one last word of comfort and an everything-would-be-ok look. I gave a weak smile.

The nurse started off with describing the procedure of the surgery. Though I have heard and read of it so many times, each word still makes my skin creeps. She gave me instructions of do and don’ts and also a number to call in case of emergency. It was then I knew the name of my surgeon whose hands determines the fate of my eyes, Dr. Chung.

She then handed me my medication and explained when to apply. She then made a comment, “Had you have your lunch, dear? You look so nervous. “

I nodded but thought to myself, I must be looking like a fool.

She then gave me a quarter of relaxant pill. She cleaned my face and said I should not touch the area, as it is not considered sterile. Also, she gave me some antibacterial eye drops then a pair of plastic like socks and then she covered my hair with a cap.

I was asked to wait for a while. She brought me a blanket. I was feeling cold then. I heard music coming from the surgery room. It was Chinese oldies. Good, I thought to myself, the doctor must be quite old, which means experienced then.

At the same time, I sat alone staring at the Hello Kitty on my blanket and the cat without a mouth stared back. I tried to assure myself that the issue where my check was returned could be a way that god made a complication that might happen during the surgery to a small obstacle. I prayed hard to all gods that I remember, Lord Buddha, Goddess of Mercy, Lord Ganesha and even Jesus. I was plain desperate. I would have sold my soul to the devil if he appeared then.

I jumped each time the door move. When the surgeon entered, I was taken aback. They should announce his arrival, Leos have bad hearts. He looked much younger than I had expected. He then introduced himself and explained the procedures again. As he talked, I searched his face for assurance. But I just could not find any. The surgery would start with my right eye. He then asked me to proceed to the room.

Like a scared kid, “May I bring the blanket along?”
The Surgery
I was then led into the surgery room, holding on my blanket. I was asked to lie down on a chair. I had expected a bed but instead it was a chair, just like those you see in a dentist’s room.

I climbed up the chair and the nurse covered my left eye and applied antibacterial and anesthetic drop to my right eye. My chair then moved to under the machine. I was asked to open my eyes wide. My duty then was to keep cool and concentrate on the green light ahead. At different times, the light was red. The surgeon then used a white sticker like paper to stick my upper and lower eyelids wide open.

Next, he placed a metal clip on my right eye and pried it wide open. It was to stop me from blinking. Dr. Chung then warned that he is going to place the eye suction to my eye; I would feel a bit of pressure and discomfort. I said my prayers; this was the moment that he will create the flap on my cornea. Vacuum applied. But I could no longer see the light. I felt the blade moved; I smell blood.

I stared ahead, desperately keeping my focus on the red light. Then the light blurred, he had opened up my flap.

“Alright, Sming. We are now going to start the laser. There would be a blue light and a ‘tak tak tak’ sound. Just keep looking at the red light ahead.”

The nurse placed her hand on mine. I was stiff like a log; I dare not move an inch. The lights went off and as I stared at the red light, blue lights were flashing. I don’t remember the sound but there was a burning smell.

After approximately 20 seconds, the surgeon announced that my astigmatism is cured and he is proceeding to my shortsightedness. He kept telling me I was doing fine and should keep my concentration. I relaxed. Hey, I am doing OK!

Then the lights came back, my left eye was teary. He proceeded to wash my eye with saline water and dried my right eye. He kept me well informed with the whole procedure. I did not notice that he had replaced my flap. I am glad I kept my mouth shut and not reminding him to do so.

My chair was pushed aside. Antibacterial and anesthetic drops were applied to my left eye. This time, the nurse covered my right eye.

Again, I was pushed to the machine. He again pry open my eye with the white sticker like paper and metal clip. The suction ring came down. The nurse again placed her hand on mine. This time I could not feel the blade move.

The procedure repeats itself but this time the process was shorter as my left eye has a lower power. After the laser, he washed my eyes and dried it with a cotton bud like thing. This time, I was aware that my flap was replaced. I did not feel a thing.
Then I was asked to look up at the light and blink a few times. Then, he announced that the treatment is over. I mumbled thank you as I was led to the recovery room. There was a third person in the room that I never saw the face. I was just so tensed up.

The nurse placed me on the lazy chair and placed another blanket for me. My Hello Kitty blanket was left in the room. It was nice to be tucked into bed. Ages since someone did so for me. I was shivering then, whether it was the cold or fear, I do not know.

The other patient was waiting then. Though my vision was blurred, she looked more jittery and tensed than me. I congratulate myself for that.

The tea lady came and asked if I like to have a drink. I asked for warm water and said no to the cake. It did not look like cheesecake at all. Then, I asked for ST.

In awhile I saw her. She told me she saw the whole surgery. There was a video camera on the machine itself. We snuggled into our seats and talked.

As the anesthetic wore off, I did felt a bit of sandy feeling in my left eye. It was only after some time my left eye was a bit teary.

Then a gentleman walked into the room and called my name. I changed and go for another round of checkup before I can leave home.

He scanned my cornea and led me to the refractive room. I could only read few lines for my right eye; my left eye’s vision was better. He warned me not to rub my eyes, if not, the next day they will need to ‘iron’ my flap back. Yuck!

In the car, I could not open my eyes but the teary effect stopped. I do not know if it was the medication, the sun or I had stressed myself out so much that when everything is over, I just feel so tired. Times, I pried my eyes open to check if ST is ok. If she were a character in a fairy tale, she would be the princess that would always be lost in the woods.

At last I reached home. It was real sweet of ST to walk me up to my apartment. I changed and applied the natural tears and the antibacterial drops. It sting a bit when I applied the latter. I could feel the wound from the flap.

Then I put on my universal eye shields and knocked off. Had to laugh at my ignorance that I had boasted to Marn earlier that I would meet her at 1 Utama after the surgery to shop and have a piece of cheesecake.

I slept for another 2 hours before my (then)bf bought my dinner for me, bringing my favorite sushi. I was a bit long sighted then.Calls from my parents and my bf’s mom came to see if I was fine after the surgery.

After dinner I went back to sleep. There was a bit of pain and discomfort but it went away as I fell into slumber land.
After the Surgery – Day 1
I woke up in the morning, taking away my eye shields. I look around my room. Everything seems clear as I tried to remember if it was that clear before the surgery.

I stepped out of my room. My housemates looked at me eagerly. With a proud voice, I announced the time on the clock.

Things were getting clearer. My (then)bf came over to fetch me. I had some herbal soup his mother made for me. It was supposed to be good for eyes. My parents called and I shared my good news with them. I can see clearly now!

In the afternoon, I went for my check up. I still could not drive but I spent my time on the car reading out car plates and signboards. My heart bursting with joy, I can see as if I was wearing my contact lens.

I went for my check up. I was proud of myself for not rubbing my eyes at all and was confident that I would be just fine. However, when the young lady there took quite some time scanning eyes, I started to worry. She then mentioned that my left eye was quite dry. She asked her senior to examine me. The other lady then said there is a patch on my left eye, SPK. I bit my lip.. What is that? Am I going blind?

Sensing my terror, they assured me it is normal that for dry eyes. I just need to drop the natural tears every two hours according to the prescription. My breathing regain to a normal pace.

Then, in the refractive room, I was asked to read lines of alphabets again. I could manage few more lines but it was still not clear.

I was advised not to drive so soon and I do not have a problem with that. I am just so tired of driving.

That night, we went out. In the car, I experienced glaring and halos. Headlights from cars, street lamps and even the traffic lights were just too bright for me.

I do not know how long this would last. Would it be for weeks, months or for life?

At night, I put on my eye shields to sleep again. I do not know how I look like with it. But when my (then)bf first saw me with it, his reaction was just so flattering.

“Sming, you look like a fly!”

“*&^?@)+!” ,I answered back. “No, I look like Ham Dan Qiu Yan! ”

My imagination told me I would look like Ultraman, living up to my nickname in the office, where Ham Dan Qiu Yan means Ultraman, direct translation would mean “salt egg superman”.
After the Surgery – Day 2
I woke up startled as I accidentally scratched my left eye. It was 3.05 am. There was no pain and without hesitating I drop the eye drops. I tried to see if my eyesight is still ok. It was dark and it did not showed much difference.

In the morning, I was relieved that my eyes are fine. I took out my nail clipper. For my eyes, the nails have to go.

My eyesight remains clear. However, it does fluctuate at night especially after eye drops.

Halos are seen around lights in the house.

Everything seems to be fine so far. I hope it will always be. This is a second chance I have. I cherish the vision I have now. .

25 January 2002, my celebration of rebirth!
Ok. It is a very very very long entry. I know.
I will give a cert for those who actually manage to read till this point..hehe. Just leave a comment. heheheh
Ok, status update.
4 years have passed. I have some left over power. Astig... I think about 25 or 50 lar. Negligible. :) - My ori power was 200+. Scary. Almost blind d !!
Short-sightedness did not reoccur till today. **Finger crossed
But, I do have a special pair of specs for looking at computers. My eyes get tired without the glasses. Also, I have dried eyes for about 10 months after the surgery. Partly also I lazy and always forget to put the eye drops.. :P
But now, I am okie. I have watery eyes.. Sui wong wong dik ngan jing.. heheheh.
For the KPCs, I have broke off with that bf. And it is not the one that I wrote the story for.
When I read/write till here, I cannot tahan. I know I should not kutuk ex-bfs. It is not ethical. BUT, I buoy tahan. So........
I always feel kena cheated. When tackling me and just started pak taw, aiyoooo.. sweet like honey. 2 years later.. like that lar. Never fetch me for the surgery, ask me take taxi ( can rhyme somemore- cool leh)!!
Luckily, I got ST. A friend that I met while she did her industrial training in my office. Really kind of her. Many thanks to her !!!
Somemore, when go check up, he will grumble all the way to the center and ask me go into the building ALONE. He will then sit in the car don't know do what. (got other things but I kutuk till here only lar)
I am so damn happy I dumped him. That time really bak jiu gor sai. ( eyes got shit)
ok lar. Finish scolding d. Syiok d.
Anyway, LASIK was the best thing that happen to me.. Will definitely recommend to go for it. Now they have new technology. Just go check out !! Any questions can ask me ( cheh, like so pro hoh)- on my experience only lar.. :)
posted by sming @ 6:48 PM   10 comments
Friday, June 02, 2006
Would you walk that path??
Was chatting with a friend, sort of touched this topic. Just remind me of a passage in my life.
Have you all ever met someone who you are just just just just so attracted to yet you know that the relationship will never ever ever ever go any where?

Of coz this does not include that when you both started a relationship but then realize you can no longer continue and then call it quits.
It is more of before anything started, you already know he/ she is not the one for you.
It happened to me- not just once but at least twice I think. I didn't bother to count. Coz sometimes I just play a role as secret admirer – better- no need to bear any responsibility maaa.. hehehe

Anyway, there are some really serious ones. That me with my oh-so-sane-mind, still cannot push the person out of my thoughts. Miss him, want to see him, want to hear his voice. Staring at my mobile blankly- checking it for messages or miss call every 5 mins. Bodoh right ?
I don't know. May be that is how it goes when your heart flutters for that person. Unexplained.

Many a times the other main character in the drama was actually interested – or very interested to walk into my life. Or I should say to say jump in to my river. (I am not bragging!! It is true !! **with my most innocent look)

And it sort of made me sad; that two individuals – in this big big world.. Lady Fate actually arranged us to meet each other, get to know each other and then be attracted to each other but yet we cannot bring the special relationship to another level. Because of certain reasons..

There were many times I almost relented, following my feelings. But, always, there was something in me that held me back.
Looking back now. I know I made the right decisions. And we are still enable to maintain a healthy relationship. The strong feeling has passed. It was just very very strong infatuation, crush.

But, once in awhile, I would think of them. And a very funny feeling will occur; sweet memories, sad, feeling sorry that things didn't manage to bloom...

This is something I wrote at one point when the feelings for a guy was really strong. FYI, I know some of you KPC one.. I didn't walk the path.. Even though at some point of time, I almost did.

And this is part of the lyrics of Jane Arden’s Insensitive - which I really like the lyrics. Very got FEEEEEEL..

This model Travis lagi got feeel right.. so damn leng chai.. Those eyes... Look at that body, man !!!!!**Blushing.. Heart thumping..

Ps.Both photos I curi from somewhere one. I admit that. I don't know about copy right issues. But nothing commercial here.. so let it be !

posted by sming @ 5:13 PM   2 comments
Thursday, June 01, 2006
Siu Keong Chai getting married
Yes. He is getting married
And the bride is not me.

To that statement, everyone please cheer. Coz if the bride is me, I think mountains would crumble, the sea will dry up.

Why ? Because I got bf d, and he got a steady gf way long before we met. Hehehe
Other than these obvious reasons, it is because I am not a gf who would debone fishes for bf, remove prawn shell for bf and iron clothes enough for two weeks for him to wear to work on the weekend I am around.

And I dunno what did this Siu Keong Chai did in his past life that he accumulated enough karma to win the heart of this sweet, slim, pretty in a very pleasant way ( you know, there are girls who are pretty but u just feel like slapping them) gf who loves and sayang him so much. And, she cooks !! Waah.....
**muka senget. Very jealous. My love, I also want you to debone my fish.. yeeeeeaaa.. I want

Ok. Sorry, this entry is supposed to be dedicated to Siu Keong chai. Cannot be so self- centered.

Anyway, they have a beautiful love story. Sweet…. I would vote them as the sweetest couple I ever knew.
I always have this feeling that the love they share is quiet yet very strong. I never see them hugging like mad in public or calling each other mushy mushy names like “my dada ling ling honey”, or “my sweet sweet cutie pie”.
But, she gives and takes care of him to the greatest details. And he, on the other hand, would always want to give her the best, whether she asked for it or not.

I am especially touched on how Siu Keong chai went through the trouble to plan for the special and most romantic proposal... So sweet!!

*Hint hint hint !!!! hahahaha

As they decide the tie the knot on this special day. 06-06-06. To us, Penang Hokkiens, that is one string of lak == luck.
I rejoice for them.
So here is my wish for them with a photo I took from the Lourve( which I fondly name the sculpture as Cupid & Wife).

When cupid shot his arrow to unite two hearts of yours, he brings ever-lasting love, sensitivity and respect. I wish you to have them all!
And most of all, HAPPINESS, my friend !!

posted by sming @ 2:37 PM   6 comments
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